Tánaiste Advises Against Buying Presents And Having Fun This Year

Tánaiste Leo Varadkar has advised against buying Christmas presents and having fun this year. Mr. Varadkar was speaking to reporters during a Covid briefing and repeated his assertion that Irish people living abroad should not come home for Christmas.

“It’s not something we can recommend. Even if you go and get a Covid test and prove that you don’t have it, we don’t want you coming home. Yes air travel while wearing a mask has been proven to be safer than going to Tesco but you just shouldn’t fly. You should go to Tesco though. God I’ve just listened to myself for the first time and realised I have no idea what I’m talking about. What a load of absolute codswallop.”

As well as not visiting your family this Christmas, Mr. Varadkar said people should also avoid admiring the local Christmas lights, wearing Christmas jumpers, playing Christmas songs, putting up decorations, watching Willy Wonka, buying each other presents and having any kind of fun.

“No fun should be had this year. Laughing can spread the virus and smiling during a pandemic is just wrong so don’t do it. Just do as I say or I’ll be very disappointed in all of you. If you won’t listen to the man who said he would never go into government with Fianna Fáil then I give up. Come to think of it I also said making Micheál Martin Taoiseach would be like putting John Delaney back in charge of the FAI didn’t I? God I really do talk a tremendous amount of shite.”