Labour Party Looking For New Leader If Anyone Out There Needs A Job

The search for the next Labour Party leader gets under way today following the announcement by Brendan Howlin that he is to stand down. The party’s abysmal performance in the general election triggered Mr Howlin’s decision and the race to lead a party that nobody votes for or takes seriously anymore is now on.

We asked Mr. Howlin if they’re looking for someone to take the party in a different direction, maybe someone with a head for more progressive politics.

“No, just someone with a head.” he told us. “As long as they have a head they’re in with a good chance. And a body. Basically we’re looking for someone with a head and a body. If you know anyone out there who fits that criteria tell them to get in touch. They’ll probably get the job.”

Whoever does get the job will take over a party that expected to do well in a general election where the voters clearly wanted change from Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil. Hilariously though Labour somehow managed to end up with even less seats than they already had.

Members of the Labour Party and their executive committee are due to meet today in Brendan Howlin’s kitchen to begin the search for their new leader.