New Proposal To Ban Drinking At Home

NPHET has proposed introducing a ban on drinking at home. The group that is providing direction to the government during the Covid-19 pandemic says it hopes the ban will become law by next Monday and advised anyone thinking of having a session to go at it hard this weekend because they’re not sure when you’ll be allowed to have another sup.

NPHET spokesman Dr. Ronan Glynn said “We’ve banned drinking in pubs and banned drinking in restaurants but there’s still no sign of the virus going anywhere so the next logical step is to ban drinking at home. If that doesn’t work I give up. It’s almost as if drinking isn’t the problem.”

Dr. Glynn said as well as not being allowed to drink at home people will also have to limit their movement to a maximum of two rooms.

“I would strongly advise making the bathroom one of them for obvious reasons. After that I suppose it’s a toss up between the sitting room and the kitchen because you could sleep on the couch. It all depends on whether you’d rather watch telly or eat. Choose wisely though. If the ban on drinking doesn’t work we might try a ban on eating next so I’d get as much grub into yourselves as possible while you still can. There’s feck all on the telly anyway in fairness.”