An Irish Catholic priest has admitted that he used the C word during mass just to see if anyone was actually listening to his sermon. The sensational admission was made by Father Michael Gorman who is a parish priest in the town of Ballymore in County Kerry. Father Gorman used the expletive during 12 o’clock mass last Sunday and explained why he did it to local newspaper Kerry’s Eye.
“I’m sorry but I said it out of pure frustration. To be honest it’s been coming for a while. Every week I’m up there looking down at a bunch of uninterested hypocrites just going through the motions and not listening to a word I say. It’s always the same old tired faces just sitting there yawning, coughing and farting. Checking their watches every five minutes wishing they were somewhere else.”
So what possessed him to actually say the C word on this occasion?
“It was a spur of the moment thing. I spotted at least four people who were asleep and another fella playing candy crush on his phone. It just annoyed the hell out of me so I decided once and for all to test my long held belief that they never pay attention to what I’m saying up there.”
So what exactly did he say?
(WARNING: The following paragraph contains the actual C word.)
“I slipped it into a passage I was reading from the book of Genesis. The line goes ‘The Lord called to him and said “Where art thou?” I changed it to ‘The Lord called to him and said “You’re a cunt.”
Holy shit!! What happened next?
“What happened next? Nothing.” said Father Gorman. “Someone coughed. Someone else sneezed. An auld one in the front row scratched her arse. None of them noticed because they weren’t listening. I was right all along.”
Amazingly, Father Gorman said he doesn’t expect any disciplinary proceedings against him due to the chronic shortage of priests in the Catholic church in Ireland today.
“Oh I’ll be fine. Only one man became a priest in Ireland in the last five years and he’s 96. We’re a dying breed. I could say mass bare-arse naked next Sunday and they wouldn’t kick me out of the priesthood. If I did nobody would notice anyway.”
Father Michael Gorman continues to say mass in Ballymore every Sunday.