Bingo & Daniel O’Donnell Concerts F**ked As Over 70s Advised To Stay At Home

Bingo halls all over Ireland are set to close their doors indefinitely after the government issued strict new guidelines warning people over 70 not to attend large gatherings. The move is seen as necessary to protect our most vulnerable citizens from the coronavirus but will surely see the death of bingo as we know it.

Country singer Daniel O’Donnell is said to be considering retirement after learning that around 90% of his fanbase will not be turning up at his concerts for a while. Even if the coronavirus has been contained within the next few years and Daniel’s fans are allowed back out, most of them will probably be dead by then.

We asked bingo hall owner Brendan Gilhooly from Tullamore if there could be some way of setting up online bingo for his regulars. He told us “Don’t be ridiculous. Most people who come to our weekly bingo have never even seen a computer. Some of them still haven’t seen a colour TV.”

Mass attendances are also expected to be hit hard but that was already on the way out before the coronavirus due to more and more people realising that worshipping an invisible magic man who lives in the sky is actually a bit mental.