Pope Leo confirms Vatican City will enter next year’s Eurovision Song Contest

In his first speech since his inauguration as the head of the Catholic Church, Pope Leo XIV, a self-confessed Eurovision super fan, has confirmed Vatican City will enter a song in next year’s competition.

The Pope told thousands of well wishers yesterday that it will be another step in the modernisation of the Church and even explained what type of song we can expect from the Vatican’s first ever entry in the Eurovision Song Contest.

“While I appreciate an abstract dance performance set to a euro techno beat, I favour a transitional distortion guitar and real drummer sound, like 2006 winners Lordi who won with Hard Rock Hallelujah, my favourite Eurovision winners ever! I mean Hallelujah is in the title. What more do I need to say?” joked the Pontiff.

In January 2023, Pope Francis said that being gay isn’t a crime and called laws that criminalize it unjust and wrong.

Straight talking American Pope Leo also touched on the subject yesterday while talking about the Eurovision, probably because everyone who performs in it and everyone who watches it is a raving homosexual.

“Seeing as we have done a U-turn and decided that the gays are not the spawn of Satan after all, we’re happy to join our bum-loving friends in a music contest.”

Pope Leo left his audience in no doubt as to how he rates the Vatican’s chances in the Eurovision.

“Make no mistake, I am a winner. I just won the Popeship and nobody gave me a chance. This time last month none of you had ever heard of me. I’ll be pulling out all the stops to win this too. There won’t be any ‘My Lovely Horse’ nonsense on my watch. And to all the wonderful Eurovision viewers in Europe and around the world please remember, if you don’t vote for us you’re going straight to hell. God bless you all.”