Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg Testifies At Haircut Crimes Tribunal


US lawmakers have grilled Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg about the absolute state of his hair. At a hearing in Washington yesterday, the social network chief was asked to explain how on earth a multi-billionaire can’t afford a decent haircut.

Republican Senator Chuck Johnson asked Zuckerberg if he still gets his Mother to cut his hair as surely nobody would pay money to look that ridiculous. Mr. Zuckerberg denied the allegation and said his Mother hasn’t cut his hair since he left home and found an apartment when he was four.

Democrat Congresswoman Betty Kowalski asked Zuckerberg if he thought his barber might hold a grudge against him as it’s inconceivable that anyone could be that hilariously bad at their job.

Mr. Zuckerberg said that was nonsense adding that he gets on great with his barber and they always have a good laugh when he calls in. “In fact I clearly remember him laughing hysterically as I left his establishment last week.”

Congress concluded that Zuckerberg probably looks like he does because he’s a nerd and as a rule nerds tend to not give a shit how they look. Or what people think about them. Especially one with $70 billion in his bank account.