Manchester City Sign Other Ronaldo

In what appers to have been a clerical error, Manchester City have somehow signed the other Ronaldo in a chaotic day in the transfer market. City have apparently unintentionally given a two year contract worth £500,000 a week to retired Brazilian international Ronaldo and not current Portuguese international Ronaldo.

Ronaldo Luís Nazário de Lima (the Brazilian lad) is widely considered one of the greatest footballers of all time but he retired from playing football 10 years ago and now weighs in at a hefty 20 stone.

“I’m a bit shocked I won’t deny but I’m ready for the challenge.” said Ronaldo. “I thought my playing days were over but Pep obviously still thinks I have something to offer and when the contract came over I signed it immediately. I haven’t run more than 4 steps at a time in over ten years and I don’t actually own a pair of football boots but now that I’m on five hundred grand a week I think I can afford a new pair, Lol.”

Pep Guardiola said he has no idea how Manchester City officials made such a monumental cock-up but told reporters this evening “Now that it’s a done deal I’m looking forward to welcoming Ronaldo into my squad. He may be 20 stone and retired for 10 years but at least he’ll be better than Anthony Martial.”