Anger as IRFU Bans Women with Mickeys from Playing Women’s Rugby

The IRFU has amended its gender participation policy for the forthcoming rugby season based on medical and scientific evidence and has confirmed a ban on women with mickeys from playing women’s rugby.

Research consistently shows overwhelming evidence that there are significant physical differences between those who were born with mickeys (or boys as some doctors controversially call them) and those born without mickeys (girls). The different levels of strength and physique gained while going through puberty provide an unfair advantage that is retained, even after testosterone suppression. This is why the rules apply to everyone over 12 years-old.

There are just two women with mickeys who will be affected by the new IRFU ruling, meaning their right to identify as women will now not take priority over the rights of thousands of women who play rugby in this country. Also fans will not have to watch men beating the shit out of women on a rugby pitch.

The amended IRFU Gender Participation Policy explains that the union has been “obliged to take an approach than needs to be applied in order to ensure fair competition and the safety of competitors.”

The move has been condemned by about four people in the entire country, although all four come across as being a bit mental.

Women with mickeys who wish to continue playing rugby will now have to play against men with mickeys. Men without mickeys can also play against men with mickeys. Women with beards can just fuck off.