‘It’s A Sad Day When You Can’t Do Without The Pub’ Says Man Getting Shitfaced At Home

A local man has said that it’s a sad day if you can’t enjoy St. Patrick’s day without going to the pub. 32 year-old Brian Dempsey from Tullamore said he doesn’t need to be in a pub to enjoy himself, although he did admit that he’s going to get absolutely shitfaced at home.

“Well obviously I’m going to drink, it’s St. Patrick’s day. I’m not a complete weirdo. But I don’t have to be in the pub drinking pints to enjoy myself. 24 cans will do the same job.”

We put it to Brian that maybe he’s talking bollocks and asked him what’s the difference between getting drunk in a pub or at home.

“Listen, anyone who doesn’t drink on St. Patrick’s day isn’t Irish in my book. Not drinking on Paddy’s day is the same as not putting up a Christmas tree at Christmas and anyone who doesn’t wake up with a banging hangover the day after St. Patrick’s day should be stripped of their Irish citizenship. We have a reputation to uphold and we all need to play our part. End of.”