Varadkar And Martin To Form Government While You’re All Distracted

The Lads

Talks between Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil leaders Leo Varadkar and Micheál Martin are said to be at an advanced stage and it is believed both men are on the verge of agreeing a programme for government.

With the nation’s attention focused on the coronavirus pandemic, the two party leaders agreed this would be the perfect time to sneak back into government while nobody’s looking.

“This coronavirus business is serious stuff.” said Mr. Varadkar. “I would encourage everyone to listen to all the advice being given by the experts and to pay attention to all the news reports. Just keep watching and listening to all the coronavirus stuff and don’t be worrying about anything else.”

Micheál Martin spoke to reporters in Cork this morning and was asked if Fianna Fáil are about to go into government with Fine Gael.

“It’s not important who’s going into government with who. There’s a killer virus sweeping the nation and everyone just needs to focus all their attention on that and forget about all this government nonsense. If you don’t you could die.”

Leo Varadkar also said he believes Sinn Féin leader Mary-Lou McDonald should join her children in self-isolation after a case of coronavirus was detected at their school.

“I’m a doctor and I know what’s best. She should stay at home locked away from the outside world until this thing blows over. Or at least until I make myself Taoiseach again.”