People Over 105 Whose Surnames Begin With Z Next In Line For Vaccine

People who are aged over 105 and whose surnames begin with the letter Z are next in line to receive the Covid vaccine. The Irish government’s roll-out of the vaccine continues as planned and Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly told us it’s full steam ahead.

“After all the over 105’s are done, we move down to the over 104’s and start with surnames beginning with the letter A. We go through the alphabet, then move onto the 103’s and so on. It’s a great system and a credit to the hard work and dedication of this government. You mark my words, we’ll have everybody in this country vaccinated within the next 10 years.”

While the UK plans for the re-opening of everything from bars and restaurants to live music venues, the EU has been slammed for being far too slow in its vaccine approval and roll-out process. Several EU countries including Denmark and Austria have now began to go it alone and have started placing their own orders for Covid vaccines outside of the EU. We asked the Minister if Ireland should do the same.

“Don’t be mental!” he told us. “The men of 1916 didn’t die so we could be free to make our own decisions. They gave their lives so that we could do what we’re told by a woman from Belgium. Do you want us to upset Miss Von der Leyen? Those rogue states that have decided to take matters into their own hands will soon see the error of their ways. It’s that kind of radical free-thinking that led to Communism. Or was it Democracy? Well whatever it was it was wrong.”

We asked the Minister if there is any truth in the rumour that the UK will actually have their cats vaccinated before we get to our over 70’s?

“Don’t be ridiculous.” he replied angrily. “There’s no need to exaggerate. This is a serious matter. Their dogs maybe but not their cats.”