“Why Did The Paddy’s Have To Put A Border There? It’s Ruining Everything!”


Leaked reports coming from London quote British Prime Minister Boris Johnson saying to government colleagues during a cabinet meeting yesterday “Why did the Paddy’s have to put a border there anyway? It’s bloody well ruining everything!”

Johnson was of course referring to the border imposed on Ireland by the British government in 1921 when they decided to partition the country. It is now the no.1 stumbling block preventing the UK from leaving the EU with a smooth exit. Johnson however does not appear to be entirely clued up on British/Irish history.

“Bloody Irish and their stupid border.” he continued. “I’ve a good mind to remove the damn thing altogether. See how they like that!”

Mr. Johnson granted Taoiseach Leo Varadkar a 10-minute phone call on Wednesday while he was standing outside 10 Downing St. having a fag between meetings. He told reporters it was a friendly and constructive conversation.

“I spoke to the Tea Shop by phone and we agreed that he could have another phone call some time next year. Maybe. If he’s good. What kind of name is Varadkar for a Paddy anyway? I’m told he’s not even ginger for God’s sake.”