Boris Johnson Admits He’s Now Just Talking Out Of His Arse

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has admitted that he has no idea what he’s doing regarding Afghanistan and that he’s now just talking out of his arse. During an interview with the BBC this morning Mr. Johnson’s was questioned about his latest statement in which he said “We’ll judge the Taliban on their actions”. He was asked what he would do if he didn’t like their actions.

“Well, I mean, as I’ve said, we’ll judge them. That is to say, we’ll keep an eye on what they’re doing and if we don’t approve, we’ll give the Taliban a jolly good judging. Yes. See how they like that. Oh for God’s sake, look, I don’t know. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what I’m doing. To be perfectly honest I’m just talking out of my arse.”

The shock admission comes a day after Mr. Johnson urged world leaders to stand by the people of Afghanistan while at the same time his country was abandoning them.

was full of confidence and positivity when giving his first speech after being elected Prime Minister by his party colleagues but four commons defeats in quick succession soon knocked the wind out of his sails and he now admits this is not how he expected things to go.

“Who could have predicted all those MPs on both sides of the house wouldn’t do everything I wanted? Petulant imbeciles! I thought I had all the answers but it turns out I don’t. In fact I haven’t a bloody clue what I’m doing or saying anymore. As the Irish like to say I’m now just talking out of my hole.”



Mr. Johnson went on to say he had learned that phrase on his visit to Dublin last week along with several others.

“The only constructive thing about that trip was my Dublin chauffeur taught me how to swear like a Paddy on the drive from the airport. Hilarious chap. They really do have a way with words over there. Now feck off and stop being such a geebag you bleedin poxbottle.
Oh and ‘Up The Ra’ too, whatever that means.”