Boris Johnson Admits He’s Now Just Talking Out Of His Hole


British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has admitted that he has no idea what to do next as he desperately tries to guarantee the UK will leave the European Union on October 31st.

Mr. Johnson was full of confidence and positivity when giving his first speech after being elected Prime Minister by his party colleagues but four commons defeats in quick succession soon knocked the wind out of his sails and he now admits this is not how he expected things to go.

“Who could have predicted all those MPs on both sides of the house wouldn’t do everything I wanted? Petulant imbeciles! I thought I had all the answers but it turns out I don’t. In fact I haven’t a bloody clue what I’m doing or saying anymore. As the Irish like to say I’m now just talking out of my hole.”

Mr. Johnson went on to say he had learned that phrase on his visit to Dublin last week along with several others.

“The only constructive thing about that trip was my Dublin chauffeur taught me how to swear like a Paddy on the drive from the airport. Hilarious chap. They really do have a way with words over there. Now feck off and stop being such a geebag you bleedin poxbottle.
Oh and ‘Up The Ra’ too, whatever that means.”