The biggest day in the American sporting calendar is here once again as the Superbowl Cup Final of the World Series Championships gets under way later this evening in baseball’s biggest game of the football season. Hot favourites the Boston Bellends take on the Nashville Knobjockeys in what promises to be a riveting seven hours of ‘what the fuck is going on’ with TV commercial breaks approximately every 60 seconds.
The Bellends made it to the final after beating the Montana Motherfuckers by 4 points and a goal-shot after corner back tight end wide receiver Leroy Simpson was side-whipped for an ankle infringement in the flip zone during a throw-ball counter attack. In the other semi-final the Knobjockeys crushed the San Diego Shitmagnets in a gripping encounter after they threw a sidewinder into an off-shoot wobble tackle that saw first base pitcher Bucky Johnson expelled from the anchor zone which led to a kick ball penalty drop. Touchdown!!
Many Americans are under the impression that the entire world comes to a standstill every year for the Superbowl. They have no idea that nobody outside America gives a shit. In Ireland for example during last year’s game between the Florida Fucknuggets and the Green Bay Fudge Packers, the Leitrim under 8 girls Camogie Final was on TG4 at the same time and killed it in the viewer ratings.
The half-time show is almost as popular as the game itself on Superbowl Sunday and Justin Timberlake will be providing the entertainment this year. Playing during the interval at the Superbowl is one of the most prestigious and sought after gigs in music and performers can earn a staggering $10 million for around 15 minutes work.
Organisers now insist the half-time show is always performed by an American act since British band Coldplay performed at last year’s Superbowl. As the band were coming off stage singer Chris Martin was asked live on TV what he thought of the game so far and he said it was “the worst pile of piss I’ve ever had the misfortune to witness in my entire life.” The band then immediately left the stadium and went straight to an Irish bar to watch the Leitrim under 8 girls Camogie Final instead.