A study carried out by the Institute for Scientific Research has found that all men who walk around wearing full tracksuits are twats. Dr. Philip McIntyre carried out the study and told us the results are conclusive.
“We studied over a thousand men from all over the country who go around wearing full tracksuits and found that every last one of them was an absolute twat. One man was almost declared a non-twat but that was just a computer error and he actually turned out to be the biggest twat of them all.”
We asked Dr. McIntyre why he decided to carry out such a study.
“I was driving through town one day and saw a man in his 40s walking along with shopping bags wearing a full tracksuit and thought to myself ‘What a twat – I wonder if there are many more like him.'”
Dr. McIntyre said his study revealed that there are several different levels of twattery.
“Most tracksuit wearing men are mid-level twats and pretty harmless. If you see one with his sleeves pulled up you’re getting into the higher levels of twatology. Watch out for the ones who wear shoes with their tracksuits. Imagine waking up and saying to yourself ‘I think I’ll wear my full adidas tracksuit today with my black shoes’. Those guys really are a special kind of twat and my advice is to steer clear of them as they’re also obviously more than a little mental.”