Local Man Marks Himself As ‘Safe’ After Surviving Yesterday’s Rainy Spell

A local man has marked himself as ‘safe’ on Facebook after he managed to survive yesterday’s rainy spell. 25 year-old Brian Martin from Tullamore said he counts himself fortunate to be alive after what he describes as a lucky escape.

“I saw online that the Gardaí were advising people not to use the Charleville Road because the surface was a bit slippy. Well guess what? That’s less than 5 miles from my house. What if I hadn’t seen that warning and also had been driving along that road. Okay it’s unlikely ‘coz I’ve never driven out that way and to be honest I don’t drive or have a car but still, less than 5 miles! I could’ve been killed.”

Brian said it’s not the first time he’s come close to death and it probably won’t be the last.

“Remember the terrorist attack on London Bridge two year ago? Well guess what? I was there! In London. About six years ago. I was flying to Florida and had to change flights at Heathrow. I know, right? I guess danger just has a habit of following me wherever I go.”

Brian said these things always happen in threes so he’s preparing for his next close encounter with the grim reaper.

“I have to go to Tesco for my Mother later and Tullamore is the 16th worst town in Ireland for virus numbers right now. Please ask your readers to say a prayer for me and maybe I’ll cheat death a third time. I’ll probably catch the virus and die though.”