Survey Reveals 90% Of Ryanair Passengers Have No Idea What The Stewardess Just Said

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A survey has revealed that 90% of Ryanair passengers have absolutely no idea what the hell the stewardess just said into the intercom. What’s more they couldn’t make out a single word of what her or any of her colleagues – including the pilots – have been saying during the whole flight.

John Duggan from Walkinstown in Dublin thinks she either said something about being out of crisps or the toilet’s blocked. However his wife Deirdre disagrees and said she was just trying to flog scratch cards. Or possibly fags.



An hour into the flight the pilot came on and spoke to the passengers for several minutes. There was a brief moment of panic when one passenger claimed he heard the words ‘engine trouble’ ‘going down’ and ‘I hope you can all swim.’ However the lady in the next seat assured him he was hearing things and said she thought the pilot had actually been speaking in German.

Not being able to hear or understand a word the cabin staff announce into the intercom seems to be par for the course on Ryanair flights but why is this the case?

Ryanair declined our request for an interview, however they did send us an email which read “For only €10 extra passengers can now choose a seat with a speaker that works. Don’t risk not being able to make out a word the cabin crew or pilots are saying ‘coz if the plane’s in trouble and they’re telling you to assume the crash position you need to hear that shit. Unless of course you don’t think your family’s lives are worth a measly €10 but hey, that’s your decision you cheap bastard. Ryanair – Putting People First.”