Spitting On Kids “A Show Of Affection In Liverpool” Claims Carragher

Disgraced former Liverpool footballer and TV pundit Jamie Carragher has claimed that spitting on children is a show of affection in his native city of Liverpool. Carragher was filmed spitting on a young girl last Saturday while driving home after the Manchester United v Liverpool match at Old Trafford but he now says “That’s what people in Liverpool do when they like someone.”

Last night Carragher gave local newspaper the Manchester Evening News his version of events.

“So there I was, happily driving along in Manchester – a great city I might add full of wonderful people – when I noticed a United fan driving beside me who had his window down and was reminding me of the score. As I was about to thank him and congratulate him on his team’s deserved victory and excellent performance, I suddenly noticed his young daughter in the passenger seat and thought to myself ‘Awww, what a lovely little girl’ and I gobbed all over her.”

Carragher said what he did is very common in Liverpool and people have got it all wrong.

“Spitting on children when you think they’re cute is a Scouse tradition. Like when you meet an old friend out shopping and you knee him in the bollocks or when you spot a girl you fancy in a pub and you walk over and punch her in the face. That’s how Liverpudlians roll. So I trust that clears everything up and you all now realise this has been nothing but a silly misunderstanding. Now can I have my job back on Sky Sports please?”

Carragher’s fellow TV pundit Gary Neville has come out in support of his colleague and says he should be given another chance.

“What he did was disgusting but in his defence he’s a Scouser so he spits all over the place when he speaks anyway. Only last week he said the words “Wellbeck’s a lucky lad like” and the cleaners were mopping up the studio floor for over an hour afterwards.”

Neville even got a little emotional when pleading for Carragher to keep his job.

“We were bitter rivals on the pitch but now he’s a good mate and a colleague. I miss my friend and I hope he’s allowed to come back to work on Monday Night Football soon so when Liverpool fail to win the League for a truly shocking 28th year in a row I get to rub his big fat fucking Scouse face in it live on TV. Haha Jamie you gobby Scouse cunt!” said Neville touchingly.