Snogging Allowed From Next Week But Strictly No Tongues

A further lifting of restrictions will come into effect next week with snogging among the activities that can resume. Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly said a wide range of social and economic activities will return, although he admitted snogging isn’t one he’s personally getting excited about.

“I’m not a fan.” he told us. “I can’t see the appeal but unfortunately the wife loves it. Why anyone would want to lick someone else’s tongue is beyond me. Frankly I’m dreading going home from work next week.”

The Minister said people should restrict their snogging to just one person, preferably their partner, but must resist the urge to slip the tongue in.

“We’re not out of the woods yet. The virus is still with us and it can be transmitted via saliva. Yuck! You are only permitted to snog your partner using just the lips. Remember, this is not a licence to go around snogging multiple persons and I’d like to remind people in Mayo that cousins and other relatives are out of bounds. At least for another two months anyway.”