Olympics To Ban White Guys From 100 Metres Because Seriously Lads, What’s The Point?

The white guy in this race didn't make it into the photo on time

The International Olympic Committee has confirmed that white guys will no longer participate in the 100 metres because there’s just no point. Committee chairman Thomas Bach said it’s time white athletes started focusing on events in which they have at least some chance of winning.

“After years of watching white sprinters cross the finish line long after the black athletes have finished the race, showered, changed and gone home, we’ve decided to put an end to the humiliation once and for all. It’s time white athletes concentrated on events where they have a chance of winning a medal like badminton and synchronized swimming.”

Athletes of African origin have dominated short distance running for nearly 40 years now as well as other events such as middle distance running and long distance running. Also the hurdles and relays. And the steeplechase. And the long jump and triple jump. And the decathlon.

Lassano Moses is chairman of the African Olympic Committee and he said white athletes shouldn’t get disheartened.

“Aw, come on guys, there’s always the Winter Olympics remember. When it comes to sliding down a hill you guys are the best, hahaha!”

Mr. Moses then continued laughing hysterically for approximately half an hour.