A local woman has told how she is sick to death of all the football on television after just one game of this season’s English Premier League. Yvonne Breslin has 250 channels and although only one of them was showing the match she says that’s too many.
“I don’t like football so why is there football on?” she asked angrily. “It’s a disgrace! Why should I pay for other people to watch football? I hate football so there should be no football on any channel ever.”
Yvonne’s close friend Kevin Daly agrees and said it’s impossible to avoid seeing football on television these days.
“When I’m flicking through my channels, why should I have to see football on some of those channels before moving onto the next channel? It happened twice last night and it’s just not good enough. Why should I be forced to see some football when I don’t like football? I’ve a good mind to get my illegal sky box taken out.”
Professor John McIntyre is an expert in human psychology and says tensions often rise in households when sport is on TV.
“We studied the behaviour of over a hundred typical Irish families and we found very definitive differences in personality between people who like sport and those who don’t.
“For example, the World Cup is on every 4 years and people who don’t like football spend the entire month that it’s on complaining about it. However, soap operas are on every single day all year round and people who don’t like those simply don’t watch them.
“We can therefore conclude that people who don’t like football are generally moany little whinge-bags who prefer to spend their time complaining about something they don’t like rather than just watching something they do like and shutting the fuck up.”