Local Man Who Believes Every Conspiracy Theory Out There Calls Other People Sheep

A local man who believes every conspiracy theory he’s ever come across on the internet has said that people who don’t are just a bunch of sheep who would believe anything. 34-year old Brian Carty from Kildare said people should do their own research and stop listening to mainstream media.

“The government is trying to control our minds. Stop watching RTE Fake News. Eileen Dunne is a liar. Anonymous websites tell the real news and so does Jim Corr and Gemma O’Doherty. Everything else is lies. Except conspiracy theories obviously, they’re all true.”

Brian also claims wearing a mask is the same as Jews being forced to wear gold stars during the Nazi occupation of Europe, apart from the whole being murdered in gas chambers bit obviously.

Dr. Philip McIntyre from the Institute of Scientific Research told us conspiracy theorists all tend to have one particular personality trait in common.

“What we find is that the conspiracy theorists out there are lacking in one vital component, intelligence. The fact that they don’t understand simple things like a virus for example is actually what attracts them to conspiracy theories. For the first time in their lives they get to say ‘Actually no, it’s you who doesn’t understand it. You’re the stupid one and I’m right.’ Anyone who attempts to disagree with the use of intelligent debate is quickly denounced as a sheep and told to ‘DO SUM REESEARCH U FFG BASTURD!!!’

“These are the same people who believe the moon landings were fake, the Earth is flat and Donald Trump really won the US Election. They also tend to post everything on social media in capital letters and due to a lack of education, have the spelling and grammar ability of a backwards 8 year-old. Or to put it another way, absolutely thick as shit every last one of them.”