A local man who has had a slight tickly cough for well over an hour now has began writing his last will and testament after self-diagnosing online. Brian O’Hara from Tullamore googled his symptoms and when the hundreds of possible results came back he decided he’d go with the worst one.
“I just wanted to know what might be causing my tickly cough so I looked it up on the internet. When the diagnosis came up on the screen my whole world fell apart. Apparently I have Aids!!”
Latest figures show that one in four people now self-diagnose online and get their medical advice from unknown random websites rather than family doctors who can actually tell you what’s wrong with you by examining you because they’re qualified doctors and know doctor stuff.
Brian meanwhile says he needs to get his will to a solicitor as soon as possible as he may not have much time left.
“Well according to the internet I’m fucked so I need to get my affairs in order and tie up any loose ends as soon as possible. I’m gonna leave everything to my girlfriend Jill. I don’t actually own anything but it’s the thought that counts.”
Brian’s work colleague Brendan Roche told us he regulary diagnoses himself with something terminal or life-threatening but somehow always manages to pull through.
“Yeah Brian gets inoperable brain tumours most weeks and he’s had all the cancers – bowel, lung, testicular, breast. Last week he found a spot on his arse and told me it was the early stages of Ebola. Turns out it was just a spot on his arse.”