British Parents Advised To Tell Kids Santa Didn’t Survive Pandemic

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has advised parents to tell their children that Santa Claus did not survive the pandemic. The UK has been dealing with a growing lack of workers in some key sectors since Brexit kicked in, including lorry drivers, leading to disruptions to deliveries and empty shelves in many shops.

Mr Johnson said in a live TV broadcast to the nation today “If you think the shelves are empty now, wait til you bloody well see them in a couple of months.

“I cannot guarantee the likes of bicycles and computer games will be in the shops at all soon and so to save disappointing your children this Christmas and breaking their little hearts just tell them Santa’s dead. I’ve already told my dozen or so that they’ll be getting bugger all this year and I suggest you do the same.”

The Prime Minister said people need to hold onto what money they have and not buying Christmas presents this year would be a good way to start.

“We all have to tighten our belts anyway and by that I mean curb your spending obviously. Not literally tighen the belts on your trousers. Although you’ll all be doing that soon enough anyway ‘coz there’s not enough bloody food to go around either.

“Anyway I’m off to do some personal video messages now at a hundred quid a pop. Easy money. Farage told me about it. The first one’s an Irish chap asking me to tell his dear old mum ‘Chucky Our Law.’ Must be gaelic for happy birthday or something.”