Ryanair Pilots Told They’ll Have To Start Paying For Their Seats

Bosses at Ryanair have informed their pilots that they will have to start paying for their seats from now on.

Foul-mouthed chief executive Michael O’Leary told reporters at a press conference this morning that pilots have been getting a free ride for too long and said it’s time they started paying like everyone else.

“I’m always telling you people that we need arses on seats and the reason I say that, just in case you’re a bit thick, is because that’s our main source of income. Every arse on a seat is money and the last time I checked, pilots have arses.”

One reporter suggested to Mr O’Leary that making pilots pay to go to work is ridiculous and asked why the cabin crew don’t also have to pay if that’s the case.

He replied “Shut your face you spotty twat. Although you’re right about one thing. The cabin crew should have to pay too. I hadn’t thought of that. They sit in seats during take-off and landing and they’ve definitely got arses. Thanks for that you big gobshite. Do you fancy coming to work for Ryanair?”

Mr O’Leary also confirmed pilots will get randomly allocated seats on the plane unless they pay extra to sit in the cockpit.