Ronaldo Attends His First Beheading

Cristiano Ronaldo has attended his first public execution since moving to Saudi Arabia. The beheading was carried out in Deera Square in Riyadh, which is known locally as Justice Square, and ominously by Western visitors as Chop Chop Square.

The victim was a 32 year-old woman who’s husband had an affair with another woman. She was executed for allowing him to commit adultery. Her husband was fined 100 Saudi Riyal (€25).

Saudi Arabia regularly performs public executions which are usually carried out by beheading with a sword or hanging but also occasionally shooting by firing squad. Sometimes they just kick the shite out of you until you’re dead.

Ronaldo has yet to play his first game for his new club Al-Nassr. The Portuguese star walked out on Manchester United in November because he wanted to play in the Champions League. However, no Champions League club showed any interest in signing him so he now finds himself in Saudi Arabia at a club where the average attendance last season was just 8,121, about the same as Stockport County.

Despite all this, Ronaldo still insists that this was his dream move. Lol.

Football is becoming much more popular in Saudi Arabia, especially after their national team’s impressive performances at the recent World Cup in Qatar. Not nearly as popular as beheadings of course but definitely a close second.