Liverpool have brought former striker Robbie Fowler out of retirement for the rest of the current football season. Fowler is now 45 years old and admits he hasn’t kicked a ball in a long time but Liverpool’s utter shitshow of a season continues to go from bad to worse and desperate times call for desperate measures.
“I’m raring to go.” said Fowler, who appears to have gained a lot of weight since his playing days. “I haven’t done any football training lately if I’m honest. Or any running. Or jogging. I haven’t done much walking either. And I haven’t kicked a ball in years. But like I say, as long as they don’t need me to do any of that stuff, raring to go.”
Liverpool’s 1-0 defeat to Fulham yesterday means they’ve now lost six consecutive home games. So what on earth has happened to last season’s runaway champions? Manager Jurgen Klopp doesn’t seem to know.
“I don’t fucking know!” said the angry German. “The so-called best team of the Premier League era suddenly can’t remember how to kick a football. Best team my arse. I don’t care if Fowler has been on his couch eating takeaways for the last 10 years, he starts the next game. My players are making me look shit. Oh and ha ha to all the funny cunts out there putting that video of me counting to six all over the internet. How original. You’re all so hilarious. Wankers.”