Saoirse Ronan To Play Mary-Lou McDonald In New Movie ‘Rise Of The Shinners’

Rise of the Shinners

Irish actress Saoirse Ronan will play Mary-Lou McDonald in an upcoming movie based on last week’s dramatic general election. Filming will begin in Hollywood later this year and a source confirmed on social media that the movie will be called Rise of the Shinners.

Big time Hollywood producer Chuck Johnson just happened to be in Ireland last week and was watching events unfold from his hotel room in Mountmellick. He immediately decided he was going to make the story into a movie. We spoke to Chuck and asked him what audiences can expect. He told us we’re in for a real treat.

“Opening scene: Mary-Lou, scruffy little orphan girl with no shoes begging for food on the streets of Dublin after the evil landlord Leo Varadkar kicked her family out of their home. Times are tough but there’s one thing that keeps her going, the promise she made to her dying Father that she would one day take her revenge on Lord Varadkar. It’s the classic rags to riches story. Trust me this movie is gonna make The Godfather look like Mary fucking Poppins.”

We told Chuck that’s ridiculous nonsense and bears no resemblance whatsoever to reality but he didn’t want to hear it and told us he knows movies and he knows what audiences want.

“Hey this is Hollywood baby. Anything goes. Wait til you see the part where Mary-Lou breaks out of jail while machine gunning the shit out of hundreds of guards with a cigar in her mouth to the strains of Come Out You Black & Tans. Trust me, this movie is gonna make Terminator look like The Sound of fucking Music!”

Other cast members confirmed are Colin Farrell as Leo Varadker, Bruce Willis as Micheál Martin and Warwick Davis as Michael D. Higgins.