Saoirse Ronan to play Mary Lou McDonald in Hollywood blockbuster ‘Rise Of The Shinners’

Irish actress Saoirse Ronan is set to play Mary Lou McDonald in an upcoming movie based on the life and career of the Sinn Féin leader. Filming will begin early next year and the current working title of the movie is Rise of the Shinners.

Big time Hollywood producer Chuck Johnson was in Ireland last month and just happened to catch an RTE documentary about Sinn Féin’s historic results in the 2020 Irish general election while watching TV in his hotel room in Mountmellick. He immediately decided he was going to make the story into a movie. We spoke to Chuck and asked him what audiences can expect. He told us we’re in for a real treat.

“Opening scene: Mary Lou, scruffy little orphan girl with no shoes begging for food on the streets of Dublin after evil landlord Leo Varadkar kicked her family out of their home. Times are tough but there’s one thing that keeps her going, the promise she made to her dying father that she would one day take her revenge on Lord Varadkar. It’s the classic rags to riches story. Trust me, this movie is gonna make The Godfather look like Mary fucking Poppins.”

We told Chuck that bears no resemblance whatsoever to reality but he didn’t want to hear it and told us he knows movies and he knows what audiences want.

“Hey this is Hollywood baby. Anything goes. Just wait ’til you see the part where Mary Lou breaks out of jail while machine gunning the shit out of hundreds of prison guards with a big fat cigar in her mouth to the sounds of Come Out You Black & Tans. Trust me, this movie is gonna make Terminator look like The Sound of fucking Music.”

Other cast members confirmed for the film are Colin Farrell as Leo Varadker, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson as Micheál Martin and Warwick Davis as President Michael D. Higgins. Eamon Ryan will be played by a plank of wood.