A group of asylum seekers from North Africa have decided to leave the UK and head back to France after spending just 7 days in London.
Having previously been in the French port of Calais for several months trying to reach the UK by any means possible, they managed to steal a wooden boat and made it across the English channel. They then made their way to London but after just one week have had enough.
“We risked our lives to get here.” said Omar Kenyatta from Mogadishu. “Now we’re going to risk our lives again to get the hell out of here. What were we thinking? It’s absolutely nothing like Bridget Jones’s Diary or Love Actually. Those movies are lies! It’s actually worse than Somalia. We’re going back to Calais to have a complete re-think. This place is a kip.”
During their week in London four of the group were trampled to death on the London Underground, two more attempted suicide after accidentally watching 10 minutes of Eastenders and nearly all were accosted on the street by singer Lily Allen demanding they pose for photos of her hugging them.
“It also hasn’t stopped raining since we arrived and your famous Fish and Chips cost the same price as a 4-bedroom house back home.” said Omar.
British authorities said they would happily allow the group to leave the UK but their wooden boat is not seaworthy and could capsize. They offered them safe passage back to Calais by private ship if they would just stick around for another couple of days. The group set sail on their wooden boat first thing this morning.