Met Éireann Say Record Levels Of Ball Sweat Have Fallen In Ireland This Week

Met Éireann have said they expect the levels of ball sweat to fall in Ireland over the week to break the previous record set in 1989. Spokesman John Phillips said we’re already approaching the 1989 figures and we still have another three days of the current heatwave to go.

“I can say with confidence that by the end of this week we’ll have set a new record for ball sweat fall in this country as the current temperatures we’re experiencing will continue to cause a nationwide epidemic of sweaty nutsacks and soggy jocks.”

Much like rainfall, measurements and analysis of ball sweat fall are essential for assessing the affects of climate change. There are over 500 ball sweat level gauge locations in Ireland.

So what type of precautions would Met Éireann recommend men take in order to keep ball sweat levels down and to a minimum?

“After taking a shower in the morning, make sure you powder those hairy boys before getting dressed. It can be that simple. And don’t spare the talc. Your family and work colleagues will appreciate the effort. Plus they’ll stop calling you stinky bollocks behind your back so everyone’s a winner.”