Rain to never fucking stop

Met Eireann has confirmed that the rain currently lashing down all over Ireland is never going to stop. Spokesman Frank Turnip told us the forecast is bleak for the rest of the summer and warned people to forget about any kind of outdoor activity.

“The rain will unfortunately continue nationwide for the foreseeable future. Just when you think it’s been dry long enough to cut the lawn or maybe go for a nice walk, it will start lashing again so don’t even think about it.”

So what’s behind the current rainy conditions?

“God.” Frank explained. “He clearly hates everyone and wants us all to suffer. There are places on Earth that desperately need rain to grow food so he sends them none. Ever! Ireland badly needs some dry, sunny weather so he sends us torrential downpours. He’s pure evil and anyone who thinks differently is an idiot.”