Rain To Never Fucking Stop

Met Eireann has confirmed that the rain currently lashing down all over Ireland is never going to stop. Spokesman Brian Kearney told us the forecast is bleak and warned people to forget any notions they may have of a white Christmas.

“All indications are the rain will continue nationwide for the entire Christmas holiday season. It will then rain for the month of January. After January expect lots of rain.”

So what’s behind the current rainy weather?

“God. He clearly hates everyone and wants us all to suffer. There are places on Earth that desperately need rain to grow food so he sends them none. Ireland needs some dry, sunny weather so he sends us daily torrential downpours. He’s pure evil and anyone who thinks different is an idiot. Merry Christmas!”