Rain To Never Fucking Stop


Met Eireann has confirmed that the rain currently lashing down all over Ireland is never going to stop. Spokesman Brian Kearney told us the forecast is bleak and warned people to forget about any kind of outdoor activity.

“The rain will continue nationwide in hourly intervals for the foreseeable future. Just when you think it’s been dry long enough to cut the lawn or maybe go for a nice walk it will start raining again. If you’re driving down the country for one of these so-called staycation holidays it will be dry and sunny on the way down but start lashing the second you get there.”

So what’s behind the current rainy conditions?

“God. He clearly hates everyone and wants us all to suffer. There are places on Earth that desperately need rain to grow food so he sends them none. Ireland badly needs some dry, sunny weather so he sends us daily torrential downpours. He’s pure evil and anyone who thinks different is an idiot.”

Meanwhile the government is continuing to urge everyone to stay at home this year and not to travel abroad for holidays. Unless you’re going to Greenland. Greenland is fine.