Putin Unsure If Generals Are Lying To Him About The War Because He Can’t Hear Them

Vladimir Putin has admitted he has no idea if his generals are telling the truth or lying to him about the war in Ukraine because he can’t hear a word they say during meetings.

The Russian leader is becoming increasingly paranoid about an assassination attempt from within his own ranks and makes army chiefs sit further and further away from him at each meeting. It has now got to the stage where he can barely see them.

Putin told a press conference in Moscow today “I had a meeting with my generals last night about our special military operation in Ukraine. I have no idea how it went because I couldn’t hear anyone. I couldn’t actually see them either. Were they even there at all? I can’t be sure. Now that I think about it they were very quiet.”

Kremlin officials confirmed the meeting took place at 8 o’clock but added that the other end of the table is now in a different time zone and Putin’s Generals attended the meeting two hours before he did.

Meanwhile after more than a month of bombing hospitals, schools and apartment buildings all over Ukraine, Russian foreign minister Sergei Lavrov said they will drastically reduce their military operations near the capital Kyiv as a gesture of “goodwill” and not because they have been getting their asses kicked there.

He also claimed Russia is making the world a more peaceful place as it has reduced the size of its military by 25% in just one month.