Putin Accuses Ukraine Of Fighting Back

Russian President Vladimir Putin has accused Ukraine of “fighting back” after the sinking of Russia’s flagship cruiser, the Moskva. The furious leader threatened to intensity the bombing of cities unless the Ukranians let him get on with destroying their country and butchering their people.

Ukraine sank the giant missile cruiser during a combat operation against Russian vessels in the Black Sea last Wednesday, a move Putin described as “uncalled for”.

“It’s a sad day when you can’t attack a country without them fighting back.” said Putin. “Who the hell do they think they are? If they don’t let us bomb their cities in peace I will give the order to bomb their cities.”

Putin is hoping to soon declare victory in Mariupol, a former city of half a million people that doesn’t exist anymore after Russia bombed the living shit out of it and destroyed 95% of its buildings for no logical reason whatsoever.

The UN and NATO meanwhile continue to tut and shake their heads disapprovingly at the mass murder of the Ukrainian people but said they won’t get involved in case it provokes Putin into doing something bad.