In a desperate attempt to encourage more young men to join the priesthood, the Catholic Church in Ireland has dropped Leaving Cert result requirements from 500 points to 10. An official statement also said that if a student scores less than 10 points and wants to become a priest they could still be up for consideration.
The Catholic Church is in freefall in Ireland and the dramatic decline in mass attendances combined with the fact that only one man joined the priesthood in the last 5 years – he was 98 years old and dropped dead the next day – has forced church officials to take desperate measures.
After the new Leaving Cert requirements were announced, a follow up meeting of the Bishops of Ireland was held in Dublin on Saturday where attendees were invited to suggest ways of making a life in the priesthood more appealing to young men.
One Bishop suggested making a video containing all the best bits of Father Ted and showing it in schools. “They’ll think it’s great craic altogether.” said 90 year-old Bishop Tom Delaney. “Who wouldn’t want to be handed tea and sandwiches all day while getting up to all sorts of hilarious shenanigans?”
88 year-old Bishop Sean Devlin suggested allowing priests to marry and have relationships with other consenting adults adding that every person on Earth is sexually and romantically attracted to other people and a life of celibacy is just not natural. After a few seconds of stunned silence he was then booed and heckled before being ordered to leave the room and the country and to never darken these shores with his presence again.
The full outcome of the meeting and any decisions made because of it were not made public however we can reveal that an approach has been made by the Bishops of Ireland to the producers of Father Ted regarding a ‘Best Bits’ video.