Communion Left Over From Papal Mass To Be Fed To Homeless

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A government spokesman has said that communion left over from yesterday’s Papal Mass in the Phoenix Park will be used to feed Dublin’s homeless people. It was estimated that up 500,000 people would attend the event and half a million pieces of communion were ready to hand out. However, less than 130,000 people turned up leaving organisers with around 370,000 pieces of unused holy communion. Minister for Housing Brian Murphy said the move shows the compassionate side of the government.

“Not only is communion full of tasty nutrients, it’s also the body of Christ so the homeless people of Dublin should count themselves very lucky. Frankly, I’m jealous.”



The dramatic fall in the number of Irish people who call themselves practicing Catholics has set alarm bells ringing in the church here. If things continue at the current rate the next Papal mass in Ireland could be held in the back room of a pub. Professor John McIntyre teaches Social Science at Trinity College and we asked him what’s behind the rapid decline in the number of people who regularly attend mass in Ireland.

“Well obviously there’s the shocking abuse scandals but also a more educated society has led to a huge increase in the number of people who don’t believe the universe was created just 7,000 years ago by an invisible magic man who lives in the sky. The frequent discovery of fossils and skeletal remains that are over 3 billion years old tends to have that effect on people. And of course mass bores the arse off everyone so why would you bother?”

Meanwhile Vatican officials have confirmed that the Pope is seriously considering telling Catholics that contraception might not be a bad idea after all having seen the results of Daniel O’Donnell’s parents not using any.