A study carried out by the Aviation Authority of Ireland has found that people who clap when a plane lands are all fuckin’ eejits. Dr. Philip McIntyre carried out the study and he said the results are conclusive.
“Of the hundreds of people we examined not one showed any signs of not being an eejit. One man was almost declared a non-eejit but that turned out to be a false alarm and he was actually both an eejit and a gobshite.”
So how and why was this study carried out?
“I have always wondered what could make intelligent adults suddenly start acting like backwards 4 year-olds as soon as their plane journey ends so we asked cabin crew arriving at Dublin Airport to point out passengers who had clapped when their planes landed. We then kidnapped the passengers in the arrivals hall and studied them in our labs. Absolute fucking eejits everyone one of them.”
What about people who jump up the second a plane comes to a stop thinking they’ll somehow get off the plane quicker than everyone else but end up standing there for ages? Are they fucking eejits too?
“No. That’s a different thing altogether. They’re called dopey bastards.”