A study carried out by the Aviation Authority of Ireland has found that people who clap when a plane lands are all fuckin’ eejits. Dr. Philip McIntyre carried out the study and he said the results are conclusive.
“Of the hundreds of people we examined not one showed any signs of not being an eejit. One man was almost declared a non-eejit but that turned out to be a false alarm and he was actually both an eejit and a gobshite.”
So how and why was this study carried out?
“I have always wondered what could make a seemingly intelligent adult suddenly start acting like a 4 year-old as soon as the wheels of a plane touch the ground. So we asked cabin crew to point out passengers who had clapped when their planes landed and we kidnapped them in the arrivals hall and studied them in our labs.”
What about those people who jump up the second a plane comes to a stop thinking they’ll somehow get off the plane quicker than everyone else but end up standing there for ages? Do they fall into the eejit category too?
“No. That’s a different thing altogether.” explained Dr. McIntyre. “They’re just dopey bastards.”