Most Public Swimming Pools Around 10% Piss

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Research carried out to discover how clean our public swimming pools are has uncovered some disturbing results. Over a hundred pools were tested nationwide and all of them had one rather unpleasant ingredient in common. Piss.

Dr. Philip McIntyre carried out the research and told us you wouldn’t believe the amount of piss in our pools.

“You wouldn’t believe the amount of piss in our pools.” he said.



He also told us the results show that it’s mostly children who are turning our blue pools yellow.

“We can identify the nutrients in a urine sample when we isolate it in a laboratory and the people urinating in our pools are on a diet consisting mainly of coco-pops, chicken Mcnuggets and ribena.”

So why do they do it? Recent research carried out at Queens University in Belfast suggests children piss in pools not because they have weaker bladders as was previously thought but because they think it’s hilarious.

7 year-old Jamie Delaney from Derry admitted “I always drink about 3 pints of water just before we go swimming. When we get there I jump into the big pool with me Da and have a massive piss. Then I get straight out and get into the baby pool and watch him swimming around in it. It’s so funny when he takes in a mouthful and starts squirting it up in the air. If he only knew. I’m thinking of doing a sneaky shite next week.