Most Swimming Pools Around 10% Piss

Research carried out to determine how clean our public swimming pools are has uncovered some disturbing results. Over 100 pools were tested nationwide and all contained varying amounts of piss.

Dr. Philip McIntyre from the Institute of Scientific Research carried out the tests and he told us you wouldn’t believe the amount of piss in our pools.

“You wouldn’t believe the amount of piss in our pools.” he said.

He also confirmed that the results show it’s mostly children who are turning our swimming pools yellow.

“We can identify the nutrients in a urine sample when we isolate it in a laboratory and the people urinating in our pools are on a diet consisting mainly of coco-pops, chicken McNuggets and ribena.”

So what we can do as a society to discourage children from urinating in swimming pools? We asked Dr McIntyre.

“Nothing really. Children are disgusting. They always have been and always will be. Stop having them maybe. Just don’t share a pool with them unless you enjoy swimming around in piss because that’s basically what you’ll be doing. Horrible little bastards.”