Man’s Phone Rings While He’s Pretending To Be On The Phone

A local man was left red-faced today when his phone rang while he was pretending to talk into it. Brian Gleeson from Tullamore was in his favourite café around lunch time when the incident occurred. He told us what happened.

“It’s a tactic I use quite a lot to be honest when I don’t want to talk to someone. I’d just noticed an old classmate from school who I can’t stand the sight of coming in my direction so I put the phone to my ear. That way if he saw me I could just wave at him and hopefully he’d keep walking. Unfortunately right at the very moment he was passing my table and we gave each other a quick wave my phone rang very loudly. Not only did that horrible twat suddenly realise exactly what I was up to, I think I might have burst my eardrum too. I’m still deaf in that ear as we speak.”



Recent statistics show that around 50% of people seen in public talking into their phones are not actually talking to anyone and are just avoiding awkward conversations with people they don’t like. Brian told us it’s one of the best things about owning a smartphone.

“You should try it. Seriously, it’s changed my life. Next time you’re out and about and you spot someone you don’t want to talk to just hold your phone to your ear and they won’t bother you. It’s so much nicer talking to imaginary people on the phone than real people. I just have to remember to turn down the fecking volume next time.”