Leo Asks If He Can Have President’s Ticket To Partition Commemoration

Tánaiste Leo Varadkar has enquired about the President’s ticket to the partition commemoration in the North after the invitation was declined by Mr Higgins. The President said it would be wrong of him to attend the event but Leo told us he doesn’t see the problem.

“There’s no point in letting that ticket go to waste so I’m just putting it out there. I would love be the Irish government’s representative at that church service in Northern Ireland. Her Majesty will be there and it would be my honour to sit with her. Please let me go. I promise not to get caught on camera picking my nose again.”

However, it seems the Tánaiste will face some competition from several members of Fine Gael for the ticket, not least from infamous Brit licker Charlie Flanagan.

Flanagan told us “Leo can feck off. I should be the one to sit with the Queen. I’ve been calling for Ireland to rejoin the Commonwealth since before he was born. Hell if I had my way we’d rejoin the United Kingdom. I’m so ashamed of our President. Who does he think he is snubbing Her Majesty like that? It’s an act of treason. Disrespectful bloody midget!!”