“Best Paddy’s Day Ever!” Claims Man Who Remembers Nothing After 6 O’Clock


A local man who woke up on his sitting room floor this morning with his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth has said yesterday was the best St. Patrick’s day of his life. Brian Dempsey from Tullamore said everything after 6 o’clock is a blur but going by the ferocious hangover he has it must’ve been a hoor of a session.

“Definitely that was the best Paddy’s day I’ve ever had. I can’t remember a thing. God knows where I ended up last night or how I got home but I’m absolutely in bits here. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and put my head in the toilet and puke for the next couple of hours.”

Brian went to his local parade and then straight to the pub as he does every year. He told us he can’t understand Irish people who don’t spend St. Patrick’s day in the pub.

“They’re not Irish in my book. They’re weirdos. Not drinking on Paddy’s day is the same as not putting up a Christmas tree at Christmas. Fucking pagans the lot of them.”

Brian said he hopes to go one better next year and end up in hospital in a coma.