A local man who walked into a pub and ordered a cup of tea instead of a pint was told by the owner to get the fuck out and never come back. 54 year-old Seán Bracken from Tullamore entered the premises just after 8pm last Monday night, the first night that so-called ‘wet pubs’ were allowed to re-open after the lockdown.
Bar owner Pat Delaney told us “I haven’t been shut down for 6 months so I could re-open and serve cups of fucking tea. You don’t see lads walking into a café and ordering a pint do you? There’s no way I’m letting some gobshite take up a valuable socially-distanced table so he can sit there drinking tea. I’m surprised he didn’t ask for a bun while he was at it.”
We caught up with tea-ordering weirdo Seán earlier today and asked him if he has no teabags at home or what the hell is going on.
“Yes of course I have but I was just out for a walk and I noticed the door was open so I decided to go in for a cup of tea because I was cold. I’ll bring my €2 elsewhere in future. His loss.”
Witnesses claim there was a bit of a scuffle and several normal beer-drinking people threw punches at Seán as he was being escorted from the premises. Sergeant Larry Duffy of Tullamore Garda Station attended the scene.
“I can confirm that a tea-ordering incident occurred at a local public house on Monday night. Gardaí were on the scene within minutes and a man was removed from the premises for his own safety. We assessed the man’s injuries and could see that he wasn’t badly hurt, so we gave him a proper beating. I mean seriously, a cup of tea? Who does this cunt think he is?”