Government officials in Washington are apparently becoming increasingly uncomfortable with President Donald Trump’s appearance. After having its first ever Black President, the United States now seems to have its first ever Orange President. Trump’s face seems to be getting more orange by the day and is now officially a more orangey shade of orange than an orange. It is widely believed that President Trump is self-tanning but he denies this and describes himself as “naturally luminous”.
We asked skin expert Dr. Lisa Cox for her take on it and she was in no doubt.
“That’s a spray tan for sure.” she told us. “And a shit one at that. You can clearly see the white rings around his eyes from the protective goggles. All I can think is that he mustn’t see what we see when he looks in the mirror or he’d surely stop doing it because I can’t believe anyone would intentionally look that hilarious. I guess nobody in his inner circle has the guts to tell him his head looks like a hairy satsuma.”
It has also been reported in the Washington Post this week that the two surviving Oompa-Loompa’s from the original Willy Wonka are suing President Trump for infringement of image copyright. Fluffet and Zump are now both in their eighties and claim Trump is ripping off their look.
“You’re no Oompa-Loompa Mister Trump so stop trying to look like one.” said Fluffet. “You’re a fake just like your tan. Unless you spent every day growing up trying not to be eaten by a Wangdoodle, a Hornswoggler or a Vermicious Knid you’ll never be one of us. Now go and wash that orange crap off your face you ridiculous looking cock-womble.”
When asked about the Oompa-Loompa’s comments President Trump replied “One more word out of those little shits and they’re on the next boat back to Loompaland.”