President Higgins Calls Trump An ‘Orange-Faced Bollocks’

Presidents

President Michael D. Higgins has called Donald Trump an orange-faced bollocks. Mr. Higgins said he’d rather die than ever welcome Trump to Ireland as President and that he prayed every night that Joe Biden would win the US election.

“I made sure that when Trump darkened our shores with his presence last year I was away on official business. I was actually on the lash down in Galway but he didn’t know that. We had one hell of a session in Spiddal. I genuinely would rather die than be in the company of that awful man. The thought of worms munching away at my decaying corpse is preferable to having to shake hands with that orange-faced bollocks.”

President Trump incited a violent mob to attack the Capitol building in Washington DC last week. The group featured many members of far-right conspiracy theory nutjobs ‘QAnon’ who actually believe Mr. Trump is fighting a secret war against Satan worshipping paedophiles. Five people died in the attack and there have been calls from politicians on both sides in the US for the President to be impeached. Mr. Higgins said it’s not his place to tell American politicians what to do, adding that as long as Trump isn’t President anymore he’s happy.

“Please God in a few days Biden will take over and Trump will go off and live on an island somewhere with all his weird children and his oddball wife who hates the sight of him. I’m a reserved man and I never use foul language but I just can’t help myself when it comes to that nasty horrible lying tiny-handed snivelling orange ball of shite. God that felt good.”