On The Spot Fines For Parents Who Give Their Kids Terrible Haircuts

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The government confirmed today that Gardaí will be given special emergency powers to issue on the spot fines to parents who give their children terrible haircuts during the new level 5 lockdown which begins at midnight tonight. During the first full lockdown many parents took it upon themselves to administer haircuts to their kids with some truly diabolical results.

There was a huge increase in sightings of children with crooked fringes and bowl cuts and many people have been calling for tougher action to be taken against the parents this time around. Minister for Haircuts Roisín Loonam told reporters today that parents giving their children terrible haircuts will no longer be tolerated and they may be charged with child cruelty.

“Things are tough enough for kids right now without also making them look hilarious. I can assure parents that it’s better for your child to have long hair than than to look like a younger version of Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber so put the scissors down or face the consequences.”

A letter has been sent to all schools in the country today telling teachers they must inform Gardaí immediately when a child turns up to school with a terrible haircut.

The Minister added that men who cut their own hair while standing in front of a mirror tend to end up with a mullet and the Garda Armed Response Unit has been given permission to shoot them on sight.