Olympics To Ban White Guys From 100 Metres Because What’s The Point?

sprint
The white guy in this race didn't make it into the photo on time

The International Olympic Committee have confirmed that white guys will no longer participate in the 100 metres because there’s just no point. Committee chairman Thomas Bach said it’s time white athletes started focusing solely on events they could actualy win.

“After years of watching white sprinters crossing the finish line long after the black athletes have not only finished the race but also showered, changed and gone home, we’ve decided to put an end to the humiliation once and for all. It’s time white athletes concentrated on events where they have at least a chance of winning a medal like badminton and synchronized swimming.”



Athletes of African origin have dominated short distance running for nearly 40 years now as well as other events such as middle distance running and long distance running. Also the hurdles and relays. And the steeplechase. And the long jump and triple jump. And the decathlon.

Lassano Moses is chairman of the African Olympic Committee and he said white athletes shouldn’t get disheartened.

“Aw, come on guys cheer up. There’s always the Winter Olympics remember. When it comes to the highly prestigious sport of sliding down a hill you guys are the best, hahaha!”

Mr. Moses then continued laughing hysterically for approximately half an hour.