Local Man Hoping Not To Make A Cunt Of Himself Yet Again At Staff Party

A 36 year-old local man is desperately hoping not to embarrass himself yet again at his staff Christmas party. Brian O’Connor from Tullamore has a history of getting absolutely shitfaced at the annual company night out but is adamant it’s not going to happen tonight.

“We’ve had a couple of years off for obvious reasons so hopefully they’ve all forgotten about my previous behaviour. But now that parties are back it’s time I took responsibility for my own actions and stopped making a total cunt of myself in front of my work colleagues.”

So what sort of things does Brian usually get up to?

“Oh all the classics. I’ve fallen on top of people. Knocked over tables full of drink. Called the boss a wanker. Puked on his wife. Fell asleep. Pissed myself. Shat myself. Got the lad out. And that was all just at the last party.”

We asked Brian if he’s ever considered simply not drinking at the staff party.

“Ah would ya stop!” he laughed. “Do you want me to turn gay too while I’m at it? No I’ll drink the usual amount and just hope things go differently. As Einstein said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting things not to go differently at some stage. At least I think that’s what he said. Wish me luck!”

Image by benzoix on Freepik